From time to time, mothers think about the things that they sacrificed when they had a child and became "a mother". The items on the list is different for us... it can be long or short…but nevertheless, let's not fool ourselves, all of us will think of it….some frequently and some very rarely.
We can think of the things that we never be able to do, now, for a long time or forever again. Some of us might think of different body shape that we might have had, we might think of some of our friendships that has changed, some will moan about the freedom that is gone forever no matter what age your child is...and some is bending double under the heaviness of responsibilities...
The list can go on and on and on….there is no denying it. Life will change profoundly, unmistakably, with no return point.
Sometimes, with all my heart, I wish for all the mothers to enjoy these changes…but the reality of life is that not all the mothers cherish the changes…not everyone look back with no regret....I have seen a good handful of these examples in my adult life.
The life of a mother (and a father) is no longer belongs to her (or him). Free time becomes a strange concept (and most of the times if there will be a free time, you fill it with things related to the kids); the conversations with husband and friends have so many traces about the kids and sometimes becomes all about them (you really wonder how was it before they arrived?!); the money is no longer so easy to spend, there is so many other priorities to consider, so many other plans for “their” future or their present; the nature of trips changes until one day kids grow up and they decide that they do not want to be with mom and dad...OH what an irony!
This evening, as soon as Daddy came home, Momma ran out the door.
In my list of "to do things" one was a visit to the post office. I was waiting to mail a letter. In front of me was a cue of three ladies in their late 20’s – early 30’s, all dressed up extremely stylish and up to date from head to toe, with extremely beautiful manicures.
From their conversation one could guess they are indeed single. They were planning to “grab a bite” and “ run to see Sex and the city”…My imagination wondered….I remembered 3 years ago when I wanted to grab a quick bite and run to see the latest movie ON SCREEN with my gal pals!Now I can not remmber when was the last movie that I saw on big screen...WOW!
Then I thought of my wardrobe, it is very classically stylish with emphasize being on "classically" - and by that I mean the last major clothes shopping for me was pre pregnancy.
Considering that my taste always leans toward classical items and the fact that I returned to my pre- baby weight very quickly, I really did not see the need of any shopping spree! -- and let's not forget the money could have been used for some cute clothes for much dearer person: my little boy - And right there at that very moment out of no where my mind jumped to the list of things that I need to buy for my little boss and when can I go to my favorite children boutique for shopping?
Then the three ladies talked about their upcoming summer trips to Europe…and my mind wondered to the fact that how, for a while at least, we can not go for our annual summer trips to Europe or my yearly trips to my beloved Italy….and again it happened: totally out of my control, my mind thought of Disney trip and when can it be possible for us (when will it be good for our little boss, when will it be suitable for the budget…)….
The ladies left the post office…and I finished what I needed to do in a half daze, half sleep manner….
I came home and my pride and joy screamed with happiness and ran toward me. I picked him up and he said it for the first time ever – a full sentence with verb and all:
“Mamma, mamma, I Yove Yoo”!
My heart melted.
My heart skipped a beat…
My heart felt something that it never had felt before…
And so this is the reality of my life…
I am no longer free as we define freedom in our society…and yet I never felt more free in my entire life…a freedom that can only happenes as a result of a profound and deep unity.
I am past all the “could have been” and “wish I would have”…
He is in my life, he is MY LIFE…his presence, his love, his laughter and even his naughtiness and terrible two’s makes it ALL WORTH IT!
3 comments:
You are right. It is all worth it.
I think this is one of the reasons that I don't choose to become a mother (not yet at least). I am too much attached to the plans that do not involve kids in any sort of shape. I think I will regret it if I’ll have kids, not occasionally or once in a while. I think I will regret all the things I wanted to do or be and missed the opportunities.
I read your posts and I feel how much you love being a mother. I think people should reach to this point and then choose to have babies and then world would have been better for all of us....and less crowded of course.
I am sure you think I am a selfish person:):)
Hi anonymous,
I do not think you are selfish at all. I think you are self aware. A quality that ironically is very good for motherhood...in case one day you decide to choose another path:)
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