May you be loved all the time....

If you ask me what I want the little boss to be when he grows up, I can not really say anything…there is not even an imagination there.

We all know the clichés replies to this question: For him to be healthy and happy and enjoy whatever he does….

Today in the playground, I thought about few things that I do wish him not to be but “to become” when he is a grown up…and hopefully even much sooner than that…

I like him to become a very kind and extremely loving man.
I like him to exercise generosity of the heart every hour of the day.
I wish for him to use his mind AND his heart every step of his life.

I also want him to make sure that NO ONE screws with his mind and heart.
I want him to always be absolutely sure that he is perfect just the way he is and there is absolutely no need for him to change in order to please anyone…

Today in the playground I had a glimpse of the adult world that one day my child might be playing in it…After all we are in our own version of playground everyday and we play in it just the way we live our daily lives!

At the playground you see mostly three groups of adults:
The group of nannies that ALWAYS find each other and attract to one another like magnet.
The group of mothers that are either already friends or trying to become friends and therefore sitting on the side line and making conversation with one another while have an eye on their kids from there.
And then the group of the mothers that are on the fields. They are not far from their little ones and as the sisterhood of the playground rules, they have an eye on their kids as well as the kids in their section…trying to make their babies out of danger- the one that is caused by themselves or by the other kids.

I belong to the latest group. By nature, I am not the type of mommy to sit aside with other adults and chat. I do not go to playgrounds to find friends and I am perfectly Ok with not have any adult conversation during my time with little boss. I like to observe him with all my senses…and let’s not forget I want to make sure neither him nor other kids can put him in any danger.

Watching him in the playground today…it was such a fascinating insight into his almost 21 months old character.

He is not a follower by nature. He loves to explore and find his own way of doing things, and so far he does not mind to play and explore on his own. At the same time I noticed not only today but so many times before, that my little one has a very deep ability of observation. He observes any situation or any object from many different angles. This is why he needs to first observe everything and then use them or loose them!

This is why he has to first “become familiar” to any toy that we get him….The joke between me and better half is “let the new toy sit there at the corner for a while and this little man will assess it from far and if it is a keeper, he will figure EVERYTHING about it by the end of the assessment”.

Today at the playground, he ran from one side to the other, from one wall puzzle to the other (which are his favorites) and from the corner of his eyes he was checking up these “older babies”

– he call all the kids regardless of their ages “baby”. Currently we are working on the words “Kid”, “Child” and “baby” as well as gender categories. Indeed our adult world is such a complicated one –

He was defending himself very well. I was indeed very impressed when one kid pushed his hand from the wall puzzle and he did not give up, looked at her silently and brought his hand very calmly but extremely firmly right where it was and continued “HIS” play…the other kid, at least two years older than little boss, looked at my little one and gave up, ran to her mother and wept that the puzzle is hers alone and why others play with it….

We tried to talk about sharing…no effect…

Then he ran toward the “boat”, looked at the other kids that were climbing in it, went closer to the boat and stopped. I offered to help him to go in, he just turned and ran to the other direction…humming to himself “Les [ let’s] running”….less than one minute after that he ran toward the boat again and this time went closer and watched what is inside the boat. Two other kids were there.

One of the other “field mommies” offered to help him. This time I silently stood back and just looked. He looked at the kids, totally ignored the mother and turned and ran to the other direction….2 minutes after he ran toward the boat yet again….went right beside it. This time around the boat was even more crowded…he just chose the tallest side to climb from…Brought one leg up, the place was too tall for him. I pushed his back, he climbed in and went and sat right in the middle of the boat…the most comfortable position.

Another kid climbed in and slide right on my little angel’s legs. Little boss, just hold the kid’s legs up and pushed it to the other side. I whispered in his ear, “Are you OK mamma?”….no replies.

He was mesmerized by the fact that he is IN there and he is sitting right in the middle of the boat, not at the corners where the actual seats were but right in the middle of the boat…not moving, not answering….then he looked at the other mommy and for the first time acknowledged her existence…pointed at her Starbucks’ cup and said: “Coffee, very good, very good” (he said this with EXACT imitation of his Dadda)….All the adults start cheering that this little one recognizes coffee and say the word so clearly. He ignored all the cheers….and gave a big smile to me and pointed his finger up and said “TV mamma!”….I looked up…Oh you clever boy, you spotted TV even before me. Up there on the wall was the TV with little kids program….my little one chose the best seat on the boat to watch “Bob the builder”….I laughed and told him do you want to sit there? He said: NO…climbed out and ran again….

Obviously he got attracted to his beloved “Choo Choo” at the “Thomas the train” table. Beside him was an older boy, approximately 4 years old. Little boss had one eye on Choo Choo, trying to figure out how does it move, and one eye on the “baby”. Suddenly he looked at the boy and said “Hi baby, Are you good?”…the boy gave a “not very happy look” to my little boss and without any reply moved to the other side of the table….my baby followed him to the other side of the table and said: “Hi baby, how aee [are] you? Are you good?”…the boy really got annoyed. He turned his back to little boss. I went closer and said: “My love, this is a big boy, not a baby. You can tell him Hi big boy, How are you?”…little boss, still looking at the “baby boy” repeated: “Hi, are you good?”….

By this time little boy decided to forget about the “Thomas” and go somewhere far….My heart sank in…I looked at my little boss…he continued playing with his choo choo and with a big smile sang to me…Choo Choo tain [train]…Choo Choo…

I just pictured myself years down the road trying to answer little boss “Why he does not play with me?” or worse than that “why he does not like me?”

And I tired to hear my broken voice that “honey he doesn’t know you yet. When he knows you, he will play with you”…I could not imagine any other answer…

My heart went to 1000 pieces and at the same time I knew kids are like that. Even he is like that. When there are younger kids around, he tends to not pay attention to them and just do what he wants to do…or even move away. But still….

There's nothing to be done but hold your head up and move on.

My angel moved on for sure…heads up and actually full speed...he ran so much today that he was absolutely exhausted by the time that he reached his bed for his nap…While I was watching his sleeping face, I silently sang for him my usual made up prayer that I sang for him since he was born:
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May God grant you health and joy!
May God grant you happiness!
May God grant you love to live!
May God grant you love to laugh!
May you become a very kind man!
May you become a very wise man!
May you learn to love people!
May you be loved in return!
May you learn to help people!
May you be helped in return!
May you be loved all the time!
May you feel loved all the time!
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