A lifetime of events, a blink of my eyes!

I did not need any alarm clock to wake up much earlier than necessary!

My body’s alarm clock worked perfectly on its own. Every cell in my being remembers the exact hour and the minutes of the most important moment of my life.

I needed to be as close to him as I could physically be, exactly at those minutes. Call it mothers sentiment, call it woman’s logic of heart!

I tried very hard not to wake up my better half. I tipped toed toward little boss’s room, very aware of all the creaks and cracks sound…. walked in very slowly, breathing deep to take in his adorable smell and the peaceful energy of his room.

There, in the dark, is he… my first born baby.

Wow! In just few minutes he will be officially two years old and yet look at him… How tiny he is, this baby of mine.

As always, blankets all on one side far away from his body… his most beloved teddy bear close to his side.

I bend into his crib (as much as my growing belly allows me) and adjust his blankets and touch his hair…a gentle touch, as if only air brushed his hair.

He releases a loud and deep breath and I can see his peaceful face. My eyes can see so much better in the dark than in the light (the joke of the family) and I use this blessing right there and then to look deeply in every line of his sweet face and peaceful body.

His hair, damp with sweat - the sweat that smells like tuberose for me (and I am not kidding here. It really smells like tuberose – my favorite flower way before I had him!)….the little tiny drooling line beside his cheek….he is every inch a baby.

No matter how much he is grown up compare to two years ago…compare to that very first moment that they put his naked body on my naked belly and chest…compare to that moment that still the umbilical cord was connecting us together, one body, two souls!

My baby….my baby!

In a blink of an eye, I go back to that moment two years ago: my heart was in my throat, ready for my whole world to flip off its axis…and still I did not know what is going to happen. I was as ready as I could be for everything to change in my world, excited and totally consumed with fear and anxiety….I knew I was in for the emotional makeover of my life but as God is my witness, I never thought it will be this profound and this divine!

Becoming a mother is for many women, the time that they most mature. Suddenly the things that should have always mattered and never was in my horizon did matter…. and the things that once consumed me blew away like hot air balloon!

Two years is passed… a lifetime, a blink of an eye!

I kneeled beside his crib, put my face to its side, breath in and tried to take in every breath that comes out of his sweet body.

In this quiet and dark, he is no longer a toddler that climbs, runs, screams and throws tantrums. He is no longer the little guy that runs to mommy because of a “boo, boo” but does not have enough patience to stay still in order for me to make the “boo boo” better….He is no longer the toddler that tries to do stuff “myself, I, me”!

He is just he, my first born, my first baby, always a baby, always soft and vulnerable and in need of me, always in need of me.

I put my hand inside his crib, fingers toward his tiny hand but afraid to touch it in case it will disturb his peaceful sleep… I am thinking of that moment, the first moment of the most important encounter of my life… I looked at the clock and that is the exact moment…suddenly his fingers grab my index finger. My heart sinks in…I looked at him: he is sleeping…and yet his hand is holding mine…I am back to two years ago exactly this moment…

My baby, always my baby!