A miracle that we call LOVE

I am a solitary person. Anyone that knows me well, can tell you that very easily you can categorize me as “introverted”. No matter how talkative I may “seem” to the outside world (which I do seem like that), I live inside my head and heart.

Let’s face it, we can talk for hours and not say a thing that is in any relation to “us” as an individual…

Maybe this is why I like this blog land so much. I mean there are not more than 5 people that connect my two worlds to one another….

I can be free here…what a freedom it is: anonymity…One can be much freer here than in the “real” world…that outside illusional land…

Every time I come to my blog land, I find such grate materials in “nothing” and they end up being “everything”…all these “nothings” that meant more to me than so many some things that I talked about in my daily routine of life…

My friends tell me that I am “close”, “keeping so many things to myself”, that it takes very long time for me to let someone come to my intimate circle. They are truly accurate in these descriptions.

In my book of life the term “friend” is being used very loosely in western society – and for that matter “word” in general is being used so carelessly by human race…no consideration for its deep hidden power.

Like Eskimos that have many words for the “snow”, I have different words for what society calls “friend”…I call a person a “friend” when they are truly a friend…. So my intimate circle for sure has only an entry visa for the people that are friends to my heart.

There is only one place that I am totally and completely my true self, free with no boundary: at home, with those I love the most in this world.

And this little home of mine became a whole universe, became bigger than universe… full of love, life, energy, activity, and passion….Life changed. The breath of life visited my little home and shook it profoundly, little more than 2 and a half years ago…

I, who once couldn't stand to sleep with anyone touching me, can only rest easy with a little toddler toes and elbows poking into my back.

I seek him out, this little creature of chaos, untamed energy, drool, noise and toddler’s sweat.

I pull him onto the sofa; he crawls onto my lap, move around to make his place comfortable over the spot between my knees or on my chest and under my chin.

He settles into me, cheek on my chest, soft curls tucked under my chin.

OH how he draws me out of my head and into his world. I am present and in the moment in a way I never thought I could be….no mastery in Zen, you just need an “in loveness”….

He is my everything….My work, my frustration, my exultation, my solitude, my energy, my rest, my bliss, my soul, my life, my heart, my peace.

I breathe his breath, the air that leaves his lungs…I smell his hair…I feel his body…and I wonder “can I ever love anyone like this?”….

And right at that moment I look down at the tiny little bump on my belly, the bump that is becoming more and more visible to the outside world…I get my answer right there and then….with no need to see the little one that is there in me, I just feel how much I love him or her….the miracle is not having one child or ten for that matter, the miracle is how love expands, grows, becomes a universe all on its own….and there is not a single split or crack in it…it just becomes more…more…an infinity….what a miracle LOVE is!