I woke up earlier than usual. Everything needed to be done and prepared earlier because of an appointment early in the morning. So the race started: wake up, shower, dress, prepare for our day ahead, pick the little boss from his crib, kiss him head to toe, hugs, chat, sing and dance and pretend it is all a big game when I am changing his diaper, washing him and putting clothes on his energetic body…In my mind there is no time for diddly doo…and still I am doing it just for his smiles and giggles.
Looking at my better half, he sneezes since last night, nose blocked, tired eyes…I am worried for him. I am tired, I am frustrated and no patience for any domino effects that his nasty colds usually bring to our households…. For me it is so much easier to be sick than witness the sickness of the ones that I love. But this time it is not me alone, little baby is moving in me. Hungry, impatient, like the little boss I guess…
Move on…move on….
I quickly look at the headlines: The heaviness of the world around me weighs on me, even if it is not necessarily MY experience but still MY WORLD. Sadness seems everywhere. So tough to search for hope and all…
There's so much misery around us; so much to fear and….I just put my hand on my little belly. My angel in there moves and I know hope does exist….
Multi tasking…that is what mothers do. While sitting not so patiently for my appointment, I check my emails with my i-phone. I really like my new toy but if I did not have it, then I could have closed my eyes and rest for a minute instead of responding to emails and all….Life is becoming even more complicated. Oh if only I could shut the world just for a little five minutes?
One email talks about some nasty things that happened to some good people.
My thoughts linger on horrible things I never want to face. I can't turn away. I can't shut them off. Worry. Worry. Worry. I can only worry.
Truth is I've always been this way. Anxieties and worries are my companion. I learned to live with them artfully; I learned to survive them skillfully but never left them behind.
The race of the heart, worries that are like the ripples from a pebble that someone tossed in my stream, my mind whirling silently in the space, full of never ending circles...on and on and on…
Daily routine of life continues…
It is toward the end of the day. Putting the last dish in the dishwaser, chatting with little boss from one side and better half from the other; trying to concentrate on what he is talking about: Democrat, Republican, Obama, McCain… while I am singing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” for little boss…and promising my little baby in me that Mamma will sleep earlier tonight! I think! I hope…
Better half goes silent right in the middle of his heated talk. He gently stands behind me and his arms circle my body, hands on my belly….tries very hard not to breath in my direction so that his cold does not come to my doorsteps… my hands rest on his, I put my weight on his body, I am finally weightless, even if it is for a moment in time…both of us stand still in that pose, no need to talk, no need to move….looking at what is in front of us: little boss sitting on the kitchen floor and playing with all our pots and pans…banging them, laughing and chatting.
His gentle kiss lands on the back of my neck, he rests his forehead there and smell my hair…still avoids any breathing in my direction….and right there and then the lightness comes to my heart….even if it will last for a short few moment; I am thankful, I am free….
He lifts all the worries, all the fears, all the frustrations and all my running away.
He takes away my unbearable heaviness of being….just the same way that he did nine years ago on this day…just the same way that he did the first moment that I laid eyes on his cheerful face and sparking eyes all those years ago…a lifetime ago…Just the same way that he will do it for all my eternity… I know I am home!
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10 comments:
Wow mommy homeopath,
What an amazing “love” post. It is one of your best. You seriously have to consider writing as your “second” profession ha!
I enjoyed so much reading your daily activity and then what a grate way to bring the love that you share and what does he mean to you. I am sure he feels a deep love for you as well.
Happy Anniversary dear cyber friend! May two of you live a long, loving, healthy and happy life together
A reader
P.S.1: I hope his cold is better and for sure send some energy to your way for no domino effect of the cold in your household.
P.S. 2: I also just finished reading your previous post. That is one grate subject. You were right in the comment section. The New Age Prophet that one of the people used is really nice phrase to describe what we are doing. I hope peace for your friend. In my life, faith helped me a lot as well and I am not a religious person at all. “They” say time is a healer. In my experience, I am still waiting for it to start his job!!!!
OH!
I really gor sentimental when I read your love post! And for some seconds I stoped reading, getting so jealous of you and all those lucky women who are next to the men whom they love...
I know what you mean;
I know how you felt;
I know how it feels when your shoulders suddenly get rid of a heavy burden with a warm touch;
And I adore this moment...
Sometimes I think about the world we are living in and I get disappointed; but when remembering the hands, the warm hands we have somewhere in this ugly world, it makes me feel better...
Good for you! I wish these happy and calm moments last forever and ever...
Tack a good care my dear friend.
P.S. Happy anniversary by the way!
Dear "A reader",
Thank you so much for your warm wishes. It is so good to have you as my cyber friend...a friend with deep emotion and sensitivity and very generous heart.
"They" say "time" heals everything....well in my case also, healing and especially for a loss came not with time but with faith and deeper understanding of loss. I send some loving positive energy on your way too.
Dear Parinaz,
Does it help at all - even for a split second- if I share with you that I was where you are now?
Missing so deeply that every fiber of your being aches and cries...the depth of longing that is deeper than any abyss in the universe....oh my friend, I feel what a pain it must be for you....
It does end, there is light at the end of the tunnel and believe it or not all this “torture” might very well make your love more magical and your bond deeper...it did that for me.
But saying all that, no matter how much we think and hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel; still the pain is there and it is real...
I pray for you to reach where you want to reach, sooner than you expect...and then life will begin.
Dear Mommy Homeopath,
Happy anniversary!
Such a loving post can only come from a deep loving heart. He is lucky to have you and you are lucky to have him.
By now you know me; I read your post and cried. I am sentimental but this post was really full of emotion, from start to end.
Wish for you family of 4 health, happiness and prosperity and so much love.
Eve
Happy anniversary mommy homeopath!
That is one loving post. I read it twice.
And can I say now I have your DIDDLY DOO phrase in my mind over and over:):):)
Be always happy, healthy, emotional and full of humor:)
My dear MH!
You are good in writing all these emotions, anxiety, responsibility, and love...Your post has nothing less than a precious classic painting of a family, e.g from Rembrandt!
You are a big lover, and a true one. Isn't it that by going through all the ups and downs, there is a point in which one realizes that even one single moment of watching a classic scheme of a simple healthy, happy family is worth all the difficulties?
I hope you guys stay the same for long long years. I wish you the best from the bottom of my heart :)
Happy anniversary.
Dear Sweet Eve,
Your tears come from a sensitive heart and loving soul, I am sure of that.
Thanks for all the nice wishes for my family of four:):)
Be happy my cyber friend!
Dear Humor appreciating Anonymous:)
Thank you for your warm words and wishes.
Interestingly Diddly Doo is not one of my “words” but that day it was in my mind all the time:)
Hope you have a joyful week
My dear Nava,
OH MY GOD!
YOU made ME BLUSH!!!!!
Thank you so much for your appreciation of my post and for the nice wishes. They meant a lot my dear friend.
I hope so much happiness and love for you and Mr. Alchemist....
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