I am the type of person that when tired, I look as bad as I feel. I was passing a mirror and just happened to glance at it and “WOW! I REALLY do look shi…y”.
To accomplish anything these days seems impossible. I wonder where the energy did come from? Where has it gone- if there was any there to begin with?
There are so many things I don't want to do. Never cared to do… And yet these are the things that make us feel a part of the daily routine of life: planting the garden, cleaning out the crap and starting fresh…; all things that give us purpose and satisfaction.
Someone told me once: “In expending energy, we get energy in return”. Do we really? These days I don’t seem to feel anything but exhaustion, maybe because I am not “expending” any energy…But if I may ask dear universe: “Was it a chicken first or an egg?” – I mean shall I first get the energy from somewhere and then try to expend it…or…? No there is no “or”…It seems I don’t have ANY to start expending!!!
Most of the time these days, all I want to do is sleep, even if I rarely do. I mean I can not sleep a lot…that is not my nature, not in the gene pool…and yet I still want to. It is really a paradox on its own. I just want to crawl back under the covers and close my eyes….even if the sweet state of sleep does not come.
I am starting to think the life that we created in this first world countries, with all the advance technology and all the high and mighty things, is nothing but a rat race...
Oh STOP IT!…I became one of those people…the ones that complain all the time.
That is really embarrassing. Because after all what is it to complain?!!!!!!!!!!
One has to just look around to all the disasters (majors or minors) that is happening right at this moment in the world (or no need to go too far, we can just choose to look at all the pains that probably exist in our neighborhood!) and then realize that if we choose to do anything less than being thankful, it is highly disrespecful to whom ever or whatever we believe in...
So I better "suck it up" and just move away from the "mirror, mirror on the wall"!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Life can be a cruel joke sometimes…only nobody is laughing!
One of my closest friends is going through her second adoption process with her husband. At the moment they are at the final stage of their process…the final leg of the journey so to say and they finally received a hopeful and good news last week.
But I have to say, the whole thing is a very excruciating ordeal. There is an obstacle after an obstacle, one heartache after another, one uncertainty after another…and one day you realize that the process took longer than an elephant’s pregnancy (22 months).
While I totally understand the tough process for the adoption considering all the child trafficking and child abuse in our world, still my heart goes to people like my friends. My heart aches with them as I go through the ups and downs every time, as every time my friend calls me in tears of agony or in tears of hope….and the only thing I can do is to pray…pray and pray and pray hard….
I pray for her to get her child in her arms very soon. I pray for myself to be worthy of motherhood and I pray for all of my other friends to be able to become happy with their choices….
I am in a very surrealistic situation at the moment. I am “swimming” in a number of pregnancies in my daily life. I was talking to one of the expectant mothers today and telling her the heart aching story of my dear friend.
As I was telling her all the not so entertaining stories, I happened to mention that we do not appreciate enough how lucky we are to be blessed with our babies this way (through our own pregnancies I meant). She responded: “Are you sure? I mean I myself am truly scared of all the loss of freedom and the responsibilities that comes at the end of my pregnancy”…
I mean don’t get me wrong. The whole process of pregnancy is nothing short of a miracle:
Such a slim chance for a Sperm to meet an Oocyte at the right time at the right place – after all this is one thing in life that REALLY “timing” is EVERYTHING for it…..and if you really think about the physiology of the whole nine yard, you realize that almost everything in the “environment” is against this “happy union”:):)
And then the hard work begins!!!
The “little one”- truly little one- starts his/ her journey down to the correct destination which is uterus and no other place (otherwise there will be the misfortune of ectopic preganncy)…. then starts to “hang in there” – quite literally!
And then goes all the “what if” and “Oh my God” and “please, please, please…”….and lets not forget about all the obstacles and glorious pains and aches of the nine months….and then finally the labor which is truly a dangerous path for mother and child….
All these in mind still I believe that we are really blessed…and I also think that my expectant friend’s remarks was also a valid issue for lots of women….they are especially the issues of the first time mothers….
But unusual for my personality – almost always, I come back with a response very quickly!!!! - I went little dumb at that moment. What could one respond? “Well honey, it is little too late now for these thoughts?!!!!” “Didn’t you know these things are not returnable even with your receipt?!!!”
I am a type of person that think EVERY THOUGHT and ALL THE ANXIETIES AND FEARS are valid. There are reasons for them in our psyche….some are obvious to see and some are buried very deep. They have roots in something and as long as those roots do exist, the thought, anxiety and fear are just a second layer of the issues.
So I am not going to say that these thoughts are not valid. But for a moment I thought of my friend, the one that is going through so much, and very soon will travel literally to a place that can be considered “the end of the world” (!), to be able to get her child….and then I thought “she would have given her right arm for a chance to become pregnant”….
Life can be a cruel joke sometimes…only nobody is laughing!
But I have to say, the whole thing is a very excruciating ordeal. There is an obstacle after an obstacle, one heartache after another, one uncertainty after another…and one day you realize that the process took longer than an elephant’s pregnancy (22 months).
While I totally understand the tough process for the adoption considering all the child trafficking and child abuse in our world, still my heart goes to people like my friends. My heart aches with them as I go through the ups and downs every time, as every time my friend calls me in tears of agony or in tears of hope….and the only thing I can do is to pray…pray and pray and pray hard….
I pray for her to get her child in her arms very soon. I pray for myself to be worthy of motherhood and I pray for all of my other friends to be able to become happy with their choices….
I am in a very surrealistic situation at the moment. I am “swimming” in a number of pregnancies in my daily life. I was talking to one of the expectant mothers today and telling her the heart aching story of my dear friend.
As I was telling her all the not so entertaining stories, I happened to mention that we do not appreciate enough how lucky we are to be blessed with our babies this way (through our own pregnancies I meant). She responded: “Are you sure? I mean I myself am truly scared of all the loss of freedom and the responsibilities that comes at the end of my pregnancy”…
I mean don’t get me wrong. The whole process of pregnancy is nothing short of a miracle:
Such a slim chance for a Sperm to meet an Oocyte at the right time at the right place – after all this is one thing in life that REALLY “timing” is EVERYTHING for it…..and if you really think about the physiology of the whole nine yard, you realize that almost everything in the “environment” is against this “happy union”:):)
And then the hard work begins!!!
The “little one”- truly little one- starts his/ her journey down to the correct destination which is uterus and no other place (otherwise there will be the misfortune of ectopic preganncy)…. then starts to “hang in there” – quite literally!
And then goes all the “what if” and “Oh my God” and “please, please, please…”….and lets not forget about all the obstacles and glorious pains and aches of the nine months….and then finally the labor which is truly a dangerous path for mother and child….
All these in mind still I believe that we are really blessed…and I also think that my expectant friend’s remarks was also a valid issue for lots of women….they are especially the issues of the first time mothers….
But unusual for my personality – almost always, I come back with a response very quickly!!!! - I went little dumb at that moment. What could one respond? “Well honey, it is little too late now for these thoughts?!!!!” “Didn’t you know these things are not returnable even with your receipt?!!!”
I am a type of person that think EVERY THOUGHT and ALL THE ANXIETIES AND FEARS are valid. There are reasons for them in our psyche….some are obvious to see and some are buried very deep. They have roots in something and as long as those roots do exist, the thought, anxiety and fear are just a second layer of the issues.
So I am not going to say that these thoughts are not valid. But for a moment I thought of my friend, the one that is going through so much, and very soon will travel literally to a place that can be considered “the end of the world” (!), to be able to get her child….and then I thought “she would have given her right arm for a chance to become pregnant”….
Life can be a cruel joke sometimes…only nobody is laughing!
Sunday, May 25, 2008
What a wonderful day...
I am tried. In fact I am EXHAUSTED.
It is that kind of tiredness that you can feel it in your bones and even somewhere deeper than that....and if you tell me "OK buddy, go to bed and sleep", I will shrug. Not because I am not sleepy, in fact I am really really sleepy. But to be sleepy and to fall asleep are two separate things…at least in my repertory of life. I just can not sleep….at all.
This is me, when I am so “beyond the word” tired and / or when I am excited and / or when I am extremely anxious and nervous I can not sleep....So what can I say? I am all of them at the same time...what a kettle of emotions?!
I am "let's invent another word" tired, as well as, “unbelievably, out of this world” excited, as well as, can not stop my usual and unusal anxieties.....:):(:):(:)
I had a wonderful day. It was nothing out of the ordinary and it was beyond ordinary. How can I explain a non explainable?
My little guy, the king of my heart and our house, turned 20 months old… AND...I got magical, dreamy and wonderful news. As the result the very ordinary day turned out to be non ordinary one.
So I am here only to drop a note to the big guy up there...or if you are big gal I don't mind really:):)
Thank you God for all your blessings, the ordinary and extra ordinary ones!
Thank you God for taking care of us, little whinny humans. I know you have so many other important things that you have to deal with...and still you made sure that little prayers here and there get answer, a perfect ones I am sure.
Despite all my anxieties, despite all my worries and thoughts (good and bad), despite all my neurosis and nervousness... I am going to enjoy this day (the remaining of it) and of course the memory of it...just the way it was: a very ordinary extra ordinary day!
It is that kind of tiredness that you can feel it in your bones and even somewhere deeper than that....and if you tell me "OK buddy, go to bed and sleep", I will shrug. Not because I am not sleepy, in fact I am really really sleepy. But to be sleepy and to fall asleep are two separate things…at least in my repertory of life. I just can not sleep….at all.
This is me, when I am so “beyond the word” tired and / or when I am excited and / or when I am extremely anxious and nervous I can not sleep....So what can I say? I am all of them at the same time...what a kettle of emotions?!
I am "let's invent another word" tired, as well as, “unbelievably, out of this world” excited, as well as, can not stop my usual and unusal anxieties.....:):(:):(:)
I had a wonderful day. It was nothing out of the ordinary and it was beyond ordinary. How can I explain a non explainable?
My little guy, the king of my heart and our house, turned 20 months old… AND...I got magical, dreamy and wonderful news. As the result the very ordinary day turned out to be non ordinary one.
So I am here only to drop a note to the big guy up there...or if you are big gal I don't mind really:):)
Thank you God for all your blessings, the ordinary and extra ordinary ones!
Thank you God for taking care of us, little whinny humans. I know you have so many other important things that you have to deal with...and still you made sure that little prayers here and there get answer, a perfect ones I am sure.
Despite all my anxieties, despite all my worries and thoughts (good and bad), despite all my neurosis and nervousness... I am going to enjoy this day (the remaining of it) and of course the memory of it...just the way it was: a very ordinary extra ordinary day!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Loving the flaws almost as much as the fortes...
The better half said: “He said the word elbow tonight while I was changing him”
I said: “Oh, he is saying that word for couple of months now”
The better half said: “Oh, I am teaching him that word for couple of weeks now”
I said: “Didn’t you hear me? He is saying that word as well as, forearm and arm for couple of months now. I thought him that. It is the game that we play when I am changing him.”
The better half said: “Yes, but I thought him that. I started that game”
And so it begins (or shall I say it continues) the endless “hidden” competition.
Man vs. Woman
Padre vs. Madre
Him vs. Me
I look at my better half and my heart bursts with love...I love his flaws almost as much as his fortes....
I deeply belive that if you love only the good things about a person you are destined for disappointment. You have to admire some of the weirdness and not-so-lovable traits as well, otherwise you spend your life wishing the person was someone they aren't, and may never be....and that my dear blog is so not fair to that person....
So I hope he loves my flaws alomst as much as my fortes....after all I can say with all my heart and soul that he indeed is my BETTER HALF!
I look at him and I know he is missing a lot. Mostly because I am the one that is blessed to spend all day and sometimes even all nights with our little boss. But still my gracious nature and loving heart does not manifest itself into words. I do not want to loose my ground. I want to make sure that he and all the world with him knows that MY boy is MINE, first and foremost….
How silly of me? I know so well, he is his own little man and I am just there for the ride with him…
But still let everyone knows that I am the person that knew him before anyone else....that he was IN ME for 9 months….HE WAS ONE WITH ME and NO ONE ELSE!!!!
Is it out of fear? It must be.
I went to a little panic mood when we were flying back home on the weekend.
There was a cute baby boy, 9 months old, sitting behind us and my big19 months old son, was playing a peek a boo game with him: “ Hi baby, Bye baby”.
Then I noticed that the baby was not talking yet and I remembered my little boss was very chatty since very early and already had a vocabulary of a good few words by 9 months old.
But then I tried to remember more detailed memory of that month and I noticed the memories are not sharp anymore. I went to a panic mood in my heart. I do not want to forget. I do not want to EVER forget a single moment of my time with him.
I remember so well many hours before motherhood when I would feel the time is just standing still. There was some joys, some sign of responsibilities and some accumulation of subjects that had a hold on me, but nothing had the effect of quickening the passage of time. There was so many days that was just dragging along from one to the next.
Time is just flying by much too fast now. Weeks are flowing like minutes. He will be 20 months old very soon, and if I'm not careful to pay attention, I miss so many details.
More than ever I had this feeling of time is passing by and speeding up while I was pregnant. Nine months did not seem long enough for some intimate oneness between me and him.
I spent a lifetime planning who I was and who I wanted to be, only to have a 3 Kg and 490 gram baby boy show me who I really am and who I really want to be.
I did not want to loose my identity after I married and keeping my own family name always was a good way to emphasize on that. I passionatly corrected everyone that called me by my husband's last name.
My better half was always supportive of this….so much that he asked me to choose the last name for our baby. When he told me of his decision I had tears in my eyes. The last name could have been mine. I decided as a gift to him, the family name be his. No hyphen, no two names, just my better half’s name. I don't regret my decision, not for a single minute.
But still and forever I take so much pleasure to remember that during his first days on this Earth the name on his wristband was mine. For those two and a half days in the hospital at least everything about him was mine….
My friends tease me endlessly that I will be the worst mother in law. I do not protest. I might learn to love the daughter in law, I might learn to be her friend…but I never forget that "A daughter is a daughter the rest of her life, a son is a son until he takes a wife."
That is so sad…and it is so true... No matter how much we deny it. My mother is the one that denies and protest my harsh view on the subject. She is the one that would have been the best mother of a groom…she just became the best mother of the bride. I look at her relationship with my husband and see the deep closeness and love at both sides and in my heart and soul I know it is because both of them share so much in their personality. They are so similar from so many aspects.
We humans are strange creatures. We get hung up on things because they are tangible. This is why we hold on to a memory so dearly. That is why we are keeper of the memories. We hold some stuff that has such a sentimental value for us and we expect to pass it to our children.
Maybe it is my own harsh perspective of gender, but I “assume” girls become the keepers of their family's sentiment while the future wives of boys become the unwanting collectors of "junks" that has no meaning for them….
Well….I am nothing if I am not honest, both in my real life and with my blog
I know so well that it is stunningly greedy of me, yet I felt he was a part of ME; someone I knew better than anyone even if it was only for a moment in a lifetime...even if it was only for 9 very very short months….
When we left the hospital, I left the person I always thought I had been…I became a mother, HIS MOTHER… and he left with a new name on his birth certificate.
I said: “Oh, he is saying that word for couple of months now”
The better half said: “Oh, I am teaching him that word for couple of weeks now”
I said: “Didn’t you hear me? He is saying that word as well as, forearm and arm for couple of months now. I thought him that. It is the game that we play when I am changing him.”
The better half said: “Yes, but I thought him that. I started that game”
And so it begins (or shall I say it continues) the endless “hidden” competition.
Man vs. Woman
Padre vs. Madre
Him vs. Me
I look at my better half and my heart bursts with love...I love his flaws almost as much as his fortes....
I deeply belive that if you love only the good things about a person you are destined for disappointment. You have to admire some of the weirdness and not-so-lovable traits as well, otherwise you spend your life wishing the person was someone they aren't, and may never be....and that my dear blog is so not fair to that person....
So I hope he loves my flaws alomst as much as my fortes....after all I can say with all my heart and soul that he indeed is my BETTER HALF!
I look at him and I know he is missing a lot. Mostly because I am the one that is blessed to spend all day and sometimes even all nights with our little boss. But still my gracious nature and loving heart does not manifest itself into words. I do not want to loose my ground. I want to make sure that he and all the world with him knows that MY boy is MINE, first and foremost….
How silly of me? I know so well, he is his own little man and I am just there for the ride with him…
But still let everyone knows that I am the person that knew him before anyone else....that he was IN ME for 9 months….HE WAS ONE WITH ME and NO ONE ELSE!!!!
Is it out of fear? It must be.
I went to a little panic mood when we were flying back home on the weekend.
There was a cute baby boy, 9 months old, sitting behind us and my big19 months old son, was playing a peek a boo game with him: “ Hi baby, Bye baby”.
Then I noticed that the baby was not talking yet and I remembered my little boss was very chatty since very early and already had a vocabulary of a good few words by 9 months old.
But then I tried to remember more detailed memory of that month and I noticed the memories are not sharp anymore. I went to a panic mood in my heart. I do not want to forget. I do not want to EVER forget a single moment of my time with him.
I remember so well many hours before motherhood when I would feel the time is just standing still. There was some joys, some sign of responsibilities and some accumulation of subjects that had a hold on me, but nothing had the effect of quickening the passage of time. There was so many days that was just dragging along from one to the next.
Time is just flying by much too fast now. Weeks are flowing like minutes. He will be 20 months old very soon, and if I'm not careful to pay attention, I miss so many details.
More than ever I had this feeling of time is passing by and speeding up while I was pregnant. Nine months did not seem long enough for some intimate oneness between me and him.
I spent a lifetime planning who I was and who I wanted to be, only to have a 3 Kg and 490 gram baby boy show me who I really am and who I really want to be.
I did not want to loose my identity after I married and keeping my own family name always was a good way to emphasize on that. I passionatly corrected everyone that called me by my husband's last name.
My better half was always supportive of this….so much that he asked me to choose the last name for our baby. When he told me of his decision I had tears in my eyes. The last name could have been mine. I decided as a gift to him, the family name be his. No hyphen, no two names, just my better half’s name. I don't regret my decision, not for a single minute.
But still and forever I take so much pleasure to remember that during his first days on this Earth the name on his wristband was mine. For those two and a half days in the hospital at least everything about him was mine….
My friends tease me endlessly that I will be the worst mother in law. I do not protest. I might learn to love the daughter in law, I might learn to be her friend…but I never forget that "A daughter is a daughter the rest of her life, a son is a son until he takes a wife."
That is so sad…and it is so true... No matter how much we deny it. My mother is the one that denies and protest my harsh view on the subject. She is the one that would have been the best mother of a groom…she just became the best mother of the bride. I look at her relationship with my husband and see the deep closeness and love at both sides and in my heart and soul I know it is because both of them share so much in their personality. They are so similar from so many aspects.
We humans are strange creatures. We get hung up on things because they are tangible. This is why we hold on to a memory so dearly. That is why we are keeper of the memories. We hold some stuff that has such a sentimental value for us and we expect to pass it to our children.
Maybe it is my own harsh perspective of gender, but I “assume” girls become the keepers of their family's sentiment while the future wives of boys become the unwanting collectors of "junks" that has no meaning for them….
Well….I am nothing if I am not honest, both in my real life and with my blog
I know so well that it is stunningly greedy of me, yet I felt he was a part of ME; someone I knew better than anyone even if it was only for a moment in a lifetime...even if it was only for 9 very very short months….
When we left the hospital, I left the person I always thought I had been…I became a mother, HIS MOTHER… and he left with a new name on his birth certificate.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
"Journalism": fact or fiction?
Someone said: “The news these days are what the news companies want it to be. What they want it to be and how they want it to be”…we live in a sad time, indeed a sad time.
Yesterday evening, after listening to evening news, I started to fume…and unfortunately the fuming continued well through today…
They had a “special report” regarding vaccination. They were “shocked” by the new awareness that in the country like Canada, 1 out of 3 kids is not vaccinated…and then they continue to talk about the “FACT” (whatever that word means obviously) that how dangerous it is for those kids that do not get vaccines as well as the other kids that do get they regular shots.
The report continued to show an elementary public school in one of the provinces that had to “suspend” more than 30 students and few teachers for 20 days (that is the duration that it will show whether they got the measles or not) because following a case of a measles they found out all these people did not have the vaccination or the booster shots against measles….Then the report got even better!!!!.
The reporter started to talk to the parents of the kids that had their “proper vaccine” and they were so proud of their “law abiding” personality – never mind that vaccination is not mandatory in Canada, so “choosing” to vaccine your child has nothing to do with the law!- and were unbelievably angry and abusive toward the “Irresponsible” parents that did not follow the same line of thinking – [like sheep I guess!!!]- and (listen to this part) how unbelievably dangerous these people are because they are putting other kids that had their vaccine in danger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So while I am biting my lips and telling myself that like any good journalism, now this professional reporter will go and talk to the other “camp”, suddenly the reporter talked to few members of the board of schools and they were “demanding” that schools should start NOT accepting the children without proper vaccination….
Finally the reporter went to the representative of health Canada and that lady in a very submissive voice replied that “while we “strongly” encourage the parents to vaccinate their children, still it is not forced by law in Canada and it is totally the parents’ choice to do that. Therefore the only thing that is required from the parents according to the law is to sign a waver that admit that they take responsibility and this is their belief and also they agree that if there is an outbreak of any disease they are Ok with keeping their kids at home and do not send them to school”…..- just a side note: if there will be an outbreak, won’t you rather keep your child at home regardless of how many vaccine they had or not had?-
Still nothing from the other “camp”…I still optimistically told myself: “Wait it will come!”....then the anchor started questioning the reporter that: OH it is so dangerous for the other kids isn’t it?” (Keep in mind at no time they mention why it should be dangerous for the kids that already had their “proper vaccine”!)…and then the anchor mentioned casually that there are some fear of the fact that vaccines are causing harm to the kids and reporter replied: yes but it is not proven completely! (and no one replied “yes but it not disproved either!)
On to the next topic…..yayyayya
I screamed…I literally screamed. Don’t get me wrong, I am not opposing a report about vaccination. What I am oppose to is the one sided report.
Obviously you can imagine that I do belong to the school of thought that does not believe in vaccines and vaccination. I do believe that there should be selective vaccination if and only if there is a need for it, based on the age, the percentage of exposure and other factors…. most of them are not necessarily for everyone, at all ages, especially living in the first world countries.
Let’s forget about the amount of Mercury (Thimerosal), Aluminum and Formaldehyde that comes with the vaccine into the body. We, adults, go to dentist to take out our Mercury filling but who really care about injecting our babies at that age with it! We protest over the pollution of the sea food with Mercury…but who cares really about the drugs. After all the big pharmaceutical companies are the one that subsidizing EVERYTHING in the government!
Let’s totally forget about the suggestion of existing of a relation between Aluminum and Alzheimer and dementia.
Let’s forget about all the strange GENES that we are pushing into our babies blood streams while we do not have ANY awareness to how it will affect them in the long run.
Let’s completely forget the scary rise in the number of cases like Multiple sclerosis, Parkinson, Cancer and Alzheimer in last half of the century.
Let’s totally ignore the “FACT” that there is absolutely NO LONG TERM STUDY on the affect of vaccines on HUMAN BEINGS.
Forgetting all that, how can we forget what happened in March 2008 while all the major news companies talked about it?
The result of Supreme Court in US in March 08, which was in favor of the parents with the child that developed autism after MMR (measles, mumps and rubella) – the same measles as the one in the “special report”!!!!- put a huge damper on pharmaceutical companies as well as Allopathic medicine.
After that huge victory, the doctors are divided into two groups: the one that think MMR should not be given at the young age (12-18 months) and the rest that think it is totally necessary to be given at that age.
It is widely accepted that MMR vaccine is very dangerous and in a specific group of children it can develop Autism. Still it is unknown that exactly what are the indicators in those kids that can be triggered by MMR. But the reality is that no parents will know- at the moment with this level of science- that whether her kid is susceptible or not.
So I guess the reporter missed this huge news- it was even part of the CNN and Larry King live in early to mid March 08.
Then we reach to a very logical argument toward the “complain” that “if you do not vaccinate your kid, it is dangerous for other kids that are vaccinated”….
Tell me something: if a parent vaccinates his/her kid that means they “believe” they make their kid “immunize” toward that specific disease for long time. It means if the kid gets in touch with that disease, he or she should not get it. Yes?
So in that case why is it dangerous for them if the other kids are not vaccinated? Their kid is immunized anyway, isn’t he?
The fear comes exactly from this point. In last 10-15 years there is huge number of measles cases reported (not from public news cast but within medical journals – the ones that general public will not read of course!- in England, US and in last few years in Montreal.
The peculiarity of the outbreak is that the cases appear to be among College students (please pay attention to the age group) and among the people that already had ALL the measles vaccine…..So it brought the huge tornado in the Allopathic community. They had to admit to the world that the vaccine (any vaccine) does not give immunity for the life and while so far they thought it will, now with measles they will reach to the conclusion that it will not.
The only thing that gives full time immunity is to get the disease and fight with it. After that the immune system is set for life. So the geniuses are now recommending that there should be yet ANOTHER booster shot let’s say around the age 16-18 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The baby does not develope a fully active immune system until he/she is one year old. This is one of the reasons that all the advocates of breast feeding use to make the mother breast feed her baby as long as she can. So what happens when we put so many vaccine in those tiny bodies when they do not even have an immune system to develop any long term immunity or not?!
The argument against Vaccination is as powerful as the argument pro vaccination. I do not think one should be forced against the other. I am a full supporter of the freedom of choice. But the choice should come with education. Unfortunately most of the time you will not get that education in your doctor's office. The more open minded one of them now, after the Supreme Court ruling, advice and “highly recommend” that the vaccine should NOT be administrate all at the same time, at such a young age.
The education has to come from more “neutral” sources…and one will think a good “journalistic report” should be more neutral…should talk about pros and cons of the both sides of the argument.
If one looks closely in the number of the vaccine that they administrate in the first world countries, at such a young age, one will be in total shock.
I mean think about it:
The schedule is that the baby at ONE month old, get his first Hepatitis B vaccine. The fact is that Hep B is primarily a sexually transmitted disease. Other common sources of transmission include exposure to infected blood, injected-drug use and occupational and household contacts. The infant can contract Hep B from his mother, if the mother has the disease.
All the women get tested for this disease during pregnancy. So IF the mother has Hep B THEN AND ONLY THEN the child NEEDS the vaccine and can get it at birth as well as immune globulin (considering that he does not have an immune system to begin with).
Otherwise if there is no need for blood transmission, can someone tell me when the one month old baby will have sex????
But NOOOOOOOO we have to give this vaccine right after the baby is born or within his first month!!!!!!!!! Then we have to repeat it at 4th month, 12 month and 11-12 years.
You realize of course that all these repetition (which is called booster) are because the immunity is not permanent!!!!!
Then let’s not forget, at age 2, 4, 6, 18 months and 5 years the child has to get DPTaP: That is of course Diphtheria, Pertussis (whooping cough), Tetanus and Polio.
Do you realize all these vaccines are at the same time? All these dead or semi alive viruses or viruses' toxins will go into blood stream of a baby while there is no fully developed immune system....no wonder the doctors advice the parents to look for a series of ailments from fever to diarrhea and rash for a period of 7-10 days after this memorable event....they call it harmless short side effect!
I mean let’s be realistic here…the child can not even hold his head at the age of 2 months and we are giving him Tetanus shot. Tetanus is one of those vaccines that have the least complication but I fully believe that it should be given to the child when he starts to walk and even at that time it has to be given as a single vaccine and not in combination with so many others.
The diseases like Diphtheria and Polio do not exist in the first world countries since 1960’s. How come we are no longer administer small pox vaccine in the first world countries? Because there is no need for it. So what is the difference here?…and there is a huge controversy around Pertussis (Whooping cough) vaccine after the number of death occurred within 48 hours after the vaccination as the result of the “short term” side effects…
Every fall / winter the doctors scare people from Flu and everyone rushes for their flu shots. It was interesting that in January this year the outbreak of flu showed that the vaccine is ineffective because every year’s vaccine is for the Virus brand of the last season and the Virus (being smarter than human) mutates and becomes stronger toward the vaccine. This is how the “Super bug” is developed. The one that Media was alerting about it in last 4 months, the one that “NO antibiotic” has any affect on it. Why do you think that is? Can it be because of extreme unnecessarily use of antibiotics?
There was a time that when a child had a chicken pox, all the mothers took their children there so they will get it at the young age (which will be mild with rare complication) as oppose in their adulthood while the complications are sever and the disease is very difficult at those ages. But not now…at this day and age we hear a child has chickenpox and we ran to the doctor office for vaccination…and God help us in 50 years if we find out about the long term reaction of it.
Now they have vaccine against cervical cancer and how many of us asked the very reasonable question: What are the tests and researches regarding the long term safety of the vaccine? I mean even if I will not get the Cervical cancer, is it possible I will screw up something bigger in my life?
We need education. Only with education freedom of choice and freedom of thought come to life. Only with education, freedom will have a meaning. Otherwise, if there is only one set of “news”, how can people “choose”? What are they suppose to choose from?
To vaccine or to vaccine????!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yesterday evening, after listening to evening news, I started to fume…and unfortunately the fuming continued well through today…
They had a “special report” regarding vaccination. They were “shocked” by the new awareness that in the country like Canada, 1 out of 3 kids is not vaccinated…and then they continue to talk about the “FACT” (whatever that word means obviously) that how dangerous it is for those kids that do not get vaccines as well as the other kids that do get they regular shots.
The report continued to show an elementary public school in one of the provinces that had to “suspend” more than 30 students and few teachers for 20 days (that is the duration that it will show whether they got the measles or not) because following a case of a measles they found out all these people did not have the vaccination or the booster shots against measles….Then the report got even better!!!!.
The reporter started to talk to the parents of the kids that had their “proper vaccine” and they were so proud of their “law abiding” personality – never mind that vaccination is not mandatory in Canada, so “choosing” to vaccine your child has nothing to do with the law!- and were unbelievably angry and abusive toward the “Irresponsible” parents that did not follow the same line of thinking – [like sheep I guess!!!]- and (listen to this part) how unbelievably dangerous these people are because they are putting other kids that had their vaccine in danger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So while I am biting my lips and telling myself that like any good journalism, now this professional reporter will go and talk to the other “camp”, suddenly the reporter talked to few members of the board of schools and they were “demanding” that schools should start NOT accepting the children without proper vaccination….
Finally the reporter went to the representative of health Canada and that lady in a very submissive voice replied that “while we “strongly” encourage the parents to vaccinate their children, still it is not forced by law in Canada and it is totally the parents’ choice to do that. Therefore the only thing that is required from the parents according to the law is to sign a waver that admit that they take responsibility and this is their belief and also they agree that if there is an outbreak of any disease they are Ok with keeping their kids at home and do not send them to school”…..- just a side note: if there will be an outbreak, won’t you rather keep your child at home regardless of how many vaccine they had or not had?-
Still nothing from the other “camp”…I still optimistically told myself: “Wait it will come!”....then the anchor started questioning the reporter that: OH it is so dangerous for the other kids isn’t it?” (Keep in mind at no time they mention why it should be dangerous for the kids that already had their “proper vaccine”!)…and then the anchor mentioned casually that there are some fear of the fact that vaccines are causing harm to the kids and reporter replied: yes but it is not proven completely! (and no one replied “yes but it not disproved either!)
On to the next topic…..yayyayya
I screamed…I literally screamed. Don’t get me wrong, I am not opposing a report about vaccination. What I am oppose to is the one sided report.
Obviously you can imagine that I do belong to the school of thought that does not believe in vaccines and vaccination. I do believe that there should be selective vaccination if and only if there is a need for it, based on the age, the percentage of exposure and other factors…. most of them are not necessarily for everyone, at all ages, especially living in the first world countries.
Let’s forget about the amount of Mercury (Thimerosal), Aluminum and Formaldehyde that comes with the vaccine into the body. We, adults, go to dentist to take out our Mercury filling but who really care about injecting our babies at that age with it! We protest over the pollution of the sea food with Mercury…but who cares really about the drugs. After all the big pharmaceutical companies are the one that subsidizing EVERYTHING in the government!
Let’s totally forget about the suggestion of existing of a relation between Aluminum and Alzheimer and dementia.
Let’s forget about all the strange GENES that we are pushing into our babies blood streams while we do not have ANY awareness to how it will affect them in the long run.
Let’s completely forget the scary rise in the number of cases like Multiple sclerosis, Parkinson, Cancer and Alzheimer in last half of the century.
Let’s totally ignore the “FACT” that there is absolutely NO LONG TERM STUDY on the affect of vaccines on HUMAN BEINGS.
Forgetting all that, how can we forget what happened in March 2008 while all the major news companies talked about it?
The result of Supreme Court in US in March 08, which was in favor of the parents with the child that developed autism after MMR (measles, mumps and rubella) – the same measles as the one in the “special report”!!!!- put a huge damper on pharmaceutical companies as well as Allopathic medicine.
After that huge victory, the doctors are divided into two groups: the one that think MMR should not be given at the young age (12-18 months) and the rest that think it is totally necessary to be given at that age.
It is widely accepted that MMR vaccine is very dangerous and in a specific group of children it can develop Autism. Still it is unknown that exactly what are the indicators in those kids that can be triggered by MMR. But the reality is that no parents will know- at the moment with this level of science- that whether her kid is susceptible or not.
So I guess the reporter missed this huge news- it was even part of the CNN and Larry King live in early to mid March 08.
Then we reach to a very logical argument toward the “complain” that “if you do not vaccinate your kid, it is dangerous for other kids that are vaccinated”….
Tell me something: if a parent vaccinates his/her kid that means they “believe” they make their kid “immunize” toward that specific disease for long time. It means if the kid gets in touch with that disease, he or she should not get it. Yes?
So in that case why is it dangerous for them if the other kids are not vaccinated? Their kid is immunized anyway, isn’t he?
The fear comes exactly from this point. In last 10-15 years there is huge number of measles cases reported (not from public news cast but within medical journals – the ones that general public will not read of course!- in England, US and in last few years in Montreal.
The peculiarity of the outbreak is that the cases appear to be among College students (please pay attention to the age group) and among the people that already had ALL the measles vaccine…..So it brought the huge tornado in the Allopathic community. They had to admit to the world that the vaccine (any vaccine) does not give immunity for the life and while so far they thought it will, now with measles they will reach to the conclusion that it will not.
The only thing that gives full time immunity is to get the disease and fight with it. After that the immune system is set for life. So the geniuses are now recommending that there should be yet ANOTHER booster shot let’s say around the age 16-18 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The baby does not develope a fully active immune system until he/she is one year old. This is one of the reasons that all the advocates of breast feeding use to make the mother breast feed her baby as long as she can. So what happens when we put so many vaccine in those tiny bodies when they do not even have an immune system to develop any long term immunity or not?!
The argument against Vaccination is as powerful as the argument pro vaccination. I do not think one should be forced against the other. I am a full supporter of the freedom of choice. But the choice should come with education. Unfortunately most of the time you will not get that education in your doctor's office. The more open minded one of them now, after the Supreme Court ruling, advice and “highly recommend” that the vaccine should NOT be administrate all at the same time, at such a young age.
The education has to come from more “neutral” sources…and one will think a good “journalistic report” should be more neutral…should talk about pros and cons of the both sides of the argument.
If one looks closely in the number of the vaccine that they administrate in the first world countries, at such a young age, one will be in total shock.
I mean think about it:
The schedule is that the baby at ONE month old, get his first Hepatitis B vaccine. The fact is that Hep B is primarily a sexually transmitted disease. Other common sources of transmission include exposure to infected blood, injected-drug use and occupational and household contacts. The infant can contract Hep B from his mother, if the mother has the disease.
All the women get tested for this disease during pregnancy. So IF the mother has Hep B THEN AND ONLY THEN the child NEEDS the vaccine and can get it at birth as well as immune globulin (considering that he does not have an immune system to begin with).
Otherwise if there is no need for blood transmission, can someone tell me when the one month old baby will have sex????
But NOOOOOOOO we have to give this vaccine right after the baby is born or within his first month!!!!!!!!! Then we have to repeat it at 4th month, 12 month and 11-12 years.
You realize of course that all these repetition (which is called booster) are because the immunity is not permanent!!!!!
Then let’s not forget, at age 2, 4, 6, 18 months and 5 years the child has to get DPTaP: That is of course Diphtheria, Pertussis (whooping cough), Tetanus and Polio.
Do you realize all these vaccines are at the same time? All these dead or semi alive viruses or viruses' toxins will go into blood stream of a baby while there is no fully developed immune system....no wonder the doctors advice the parents to look for a series of ailments from fever to diarrhea and rash for a period of 7-10 days after this memorable event....they call it harmless short side effect!
I mean let’s be realistic here…the child can not even hold his head at the age of 2 months and we are giving him Tetanus shot. Tetanus is one of those vaccines that have the least complication but I fully believe that it should be given to the child when he starts to walk and even at that time it has to be given as a single vaccine and not in combination with so many others.
The diseases like Diphtheria and Polio do not exist in the first world countries since 1960’s. How come we are no longer administer small pox vaccine in the first world countries? Because there is no need for it. So what is the difference here?…and there is a huge controversy around Pertussis (Whooping cough) vaccine after the number of death occurred within 48 hours after the vaccination as the result of the “short term” side effects…
Every fall / winter the doctors scare people from Flu and everyone rushes for their flu shots. It was interesting that in January this year the outbreak of flu showed that the vaccine is ineffective because every year’s vaccine is for the Virus brand of the last season and the Virus (being smarter than human) mutates and becomes stronger toward the vaccine. This is how the “Super bug” is developed. The one that Media was alerting about it in last 4 months, the one that “NO antibiotic” has any affect on it. Why do you think that is? Can it be because of extreme unnecessarily use of antibiotics?
There was a time that when a child had a chicken pox, all the mothers took their children there so they will get it at the young age (which will be mild with rare complication) as oppose in their adulthood while the complications are sever and the disease is very difficult at those ages. But not now…at this day and age we hear a child has chickenpox and we ran to the doctor office for vaccination…and God help us in 50 years if we find out about the long term reaction of it.
Now they have vaccine against cervical cancer and how many of us asked the very reasonable question: What are the tests and researches regarding the long term safety of the vaccine? I mean even if I will not get the Cervical cancer, is it possible I will screw up something bigger in my life?
We need education. Only with education freedom of choice and freedom of thought come to life. Only with education, freedom will have a meaning. Otherwise, if there is only one set of “news”, how can people “choose”? What are they suppose to choose from?
To vaccine or to vaccine????!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, May 19, 2008
"Ass-u-me" not!
The first thing they teach us in homeopathic college is to never ever ever "assume" anything about a patient...nothing is for assumption. Their perception and their story can be a world apart from our assumptions.
Well I remember how difficult it was for me to brake the habit of assumption in my students, it is so engraved in people's psyche, beyond belief...so I started to make a joke of the word when I was teaching my students there. I used to tell them: You assume and we all know what happens to those who "ass-u-me"... so “ass-u-me” not"!!!!
I think this is where I started adapting the sentence "I don't want to assume so correct me if I am wrong...." in my daily conversations. My friends always give me the look after that. But really don't you think this is where half of the problem of communication starts?
We just simply assume. We assume this is what the other person means...we assume they mean negative or positive while the reality can be so much different.
What is even more interesting for me is how the assumptions work in people's lives. I mean almost entirely everyone’s assumptions are mirror of their inner world. This is how they see the world, this is how they assume the world is and of course, this is how they react to the world they assume exists out there....
So truly what is the "real" world out there?
Every time that I get into these loops of thinking (and it is very frequent that I get into them!), I come to one conclusion: that the world out there does not exist and all there is, is an illusion or a delusion or a reflection or an assumption of our mind and psyche...and then what happens is that I feel very omnipotence AND nullipotence both AT THE SAME TIME.
It is Master Zhuang’s - Chinese philosopher- lesson after all: “I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man”.
Let's not assume either one of them!!!!
Well I remember how difficult it was for me to brake the habit of assumption in my students, it is so engraved in people's psyche, beyond belief...so I started to make a joke of the word when I was teaching my students there. I used to tell them: You assume and we all know what happens to those who "ass-u-me"... so “ass-u-me” not"!!!!
I think this is where I started adapting the sentence "I don't want to assume so correct me if I am wrong...." in my daily conversations. My friends always give me the look after that. But really don't you think this is where half of the problem of communication starts?
We just simply assume. We assume this is what the other person means...we assume they mean negative or positive while the reality can be so much different.
What is even more interesting for me is how the assumptions work in people's lives. I mean almost entirely everyone’s assumptions are mirror of their inner world. This is how they see the world, this is how they assume the world is and of course, this is how they react to the world they assume exists out there....
So truly what is the "real" world out there?
Every time that I get into these loops of thinking (and it is very frequent that I get into them!), I come to one conclusion: that the world out there does not exist and all there is, is an illusion or a delusion or a reflection or an assumption of our mind and psyche...and then what happens is that I feel very omnipotence AND nullipotence both AT THE SAME TIME.
It is Master Zhuang’s - Chinese philosopher- lesson after all: “I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man”.
Let's not assume either one of them!!!!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Was ich nicht weiss, macht mich nicht heis!
Oh how much I love this German proverb...
The English equivalent for it is "Ignorance is bliss"!
But I think it does not do the justice to the German version....The word for word translation of the title is: "what I do not know, won't burn me"!
I have the curse -or maybe it is not a curse but a gift with a danger attach to it:) :)-...the one that makes me itch to "know" everything possible about the subject that is in my life at any given moment. I am one of those people that can become a walking encyclopedia about a subject, when that subject somehow sneaks into my life...You can easily see that from the pattern of the books that I start to read at any given time.
While this was such an amazing blessing when I was teaching in the college, it is an unbelievable curse when one needs to live a simple daily routine of life...especially for a person like me with many many many neurosis and anxieties!
A friend of mine is pregnant with her third child, somewhere around 6-7 weeks. 5-6 weeks ago she had the casual talk with me and told me that she might be pregnant - they just “decided” that they want to “start” trying...and I laughed with her and said "Oh…how I’ll envy you...I miss having a newborn and more than that I miss being pregnant".
Then a week and a half after that she told me that she had tooth extraction and had an X-ray for it as well as a course of many days antibiotic and many Advil....
I hold my breath for few seconds and then told her: "Didn't you tell them you might be pregnant?" and she casually replied "I did, but they did not react"....So weeks passed by and the result was that she is indeed pregnant. She asked her doctor what does she think and the reply was "hope everything is OK!"...and that is how my friend's state is...ALL is OK! Which hopefully and very well might be....but OH my GOD?! Can you imagine if the role were revered?
I would be out of my mind. First because I knew what might not be OK and second because I would search to know even more what might not be OK!!!!!!!
Last few weeks, after we for sure found out that she is pregnant - she is not sharing the news for the first 3 months with everyone and just close people and family - (as she puts it herself: "Lucky winner after first try"), I went to a loop...the loop is on me not on her though!
Why am I like this? Why am I being cursed with this itch of needing to know...and mostly keeping in mind the most negative of all.
I could have been the type that needs to know but keeps the positive in mind (the one and only my hubby belongs to this category. Although I secretly believe he also keeps the negative in his mind but pretends that he only believes in positive...which to this "accusation" he laughs loudly and tells me: "Again you think negative of a given scenario"!!!!)....
OH NOOOOOO! God Forbid! I am the one that only and only keep the negative outcome of any given scenario on the front line of my mind....and as if keeping it there is not enough(!!!), I repeat it over and over like a good old song!
Well what can be said?
Now that I can not be optimistic, I wish I will become ignorant....as what I do not know, does not burn me and my daily routine of life!
The English equivalent for it is "Ignorance is bliss"!
But I think it does not do the justice to the German version....The word for word translation of the title is: "what I do not know, won't burn me"!
I have the curse -or maybe it is not a curse but a gift with a danger attach to it:) :)-...the one that makes me itch to "know" everything possible about the subject that is in my life at any given moment. I am one of those people that can become a walking encyclopedia about a subject, when that subject somehow sneaks into my life...You can easily see that from the pattern of the books that I start to read at any given time.
While this was such an amazing blessing when I was teaching in the college, it is an unbelievable curse when one needs to live a simple daily routine of life...especially for a person like me with many many many neurosis and anxieties!
A friend of mine is pregnant with her third child, somewhere around 6-7 weeks. 5-6 weeks ago she had the casual talk with me and told me that she might be pregnant - they just “decided” that they want to “start” trying...and I laughed with her and said "Oh…how I’ll envy you...I miss having a newborn and more than that I miss being pregnant".
Then a week and a half after that she told me that she had tooth extraction and had an X-ray for it as well as a course of many days antibiotic and many Advil....
I hold my breath for few seconds and then told her: "Didn't you tell them you might be pregnant?" and she casually replied "I did, but they did not react"....So weeks passed by and the result was that she is indeed pregnant. She asked her doctor what does she think and the reply was "hope everything is OK!"...and that is how my friend's state is...ALL is OK! Which hopefully and very well might be....but OH my GOD?! Can you imagine if the role were revered?
I would be out of my mind. First because I knew what might not be OK and second because I would search to know even more what might not be OK!!!!!!!
Last few weeks, after we for sure found out that she is pregnant - she is not sharing the news for the first 3 months with everyone and just close people and family - (as she puts it herself: "Lucky winner after first try"), I went to a loop...the loop is on me not on her though!
Why am I like this? Why am I being cursed with this itch of needing to know...and mostly keeping in mind the most negative of all.
I could have been the type that needs to know but keeps the positive in mind (the one and only my hubby belongs to this category. Although I secretly believe he also keeps the negative in his mind but pretends that he only believes in positive...which to this "accusation" he laughs loudly and tells me: "Again you think negative of a given scenario"!!!!)....
OH NOOOOOO! God Forbid! I am the one that only and only keep the negative outcome of any given scenario on the front line of my mind....and as if keeping it there is not enough(!!!), I repeat it over and over like a good old song!
Well what can be said?
Now that I can not be optimistic, I wish I will become ignorant....as what I do not know, does not burn me and my daily routine of life!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
My laptop, my pillow!
Are you one of those people that get use to their own pillow? One of those that just can not get a good sleep when she/he is away and has to sleep on another "alien" pillow!
I have a friend that even takes her own pillow every time that she goes to a trip. I am one of those people that is attached to her pillow but I do not take it away with me- mostly because my laziness overcomes my desire for comfort!
I mean I like my water pillow. I can even detect a major change in my mood, with the degree of the water that I like to have in my pillow. Once in a while I want more water and once in a while I need to make it less.
My chiropractor also thinks this is a good pillow for me, considering my life long weakness in my poor neck area...
So while the case of attachment to ones pillow is very normal in our society, I came to realize I developed such an attachment as well to my own laptop...
For the last two weeks, we are away, across the country, visiting my parents while my better half has to go around for few business trips. I did not bring my laptop with me...let's face it when one is traveling with a toddler, there is absolutely NO space for anything else but many different toddler related objects...
3 sets of change of clothes - and last minute I shoved an extra T-shirt for my self because I remembered on the previous trip, Mr. Son peed on my hubby’s shirt and poor man had nothing to change to!
Well half an hour after the take off, we already had to use one of the set of clothes for little man, because he decided that he wanted Tomato juice, not from his sippy cup but from mamma's cup...
Well the punch line of the story is this: he decided he does not want to listen to mamma and there is no need to sip slowly but he just wants to gallop it all down in one big sip....and then came my loud "OH my GOD NOOOO!!!!"
Well the rest can be easily imagined....I had a little ecstatic boy, laughing his head's off, with the whole body from top to bottom in RED!
There goes the first set of extra clothes and still 4 more hours to go...and by the end of the trip I had to use another extra shirt and so on!!!!
On top of that, I had to pack many dippers (because I am so neurotic that I think what if I need more!) and related dipper changes stuff (which are so many items on their own), different first aid homeopathic remedies, all the stuff to clean his stuffy nose (the souvenir from his cold), Bottles of milk, water, sippy cups, his homemade lunch with accessories, fruits, crackers, a DVD player with couple of DVDs (the better half's idea) and couple of his favorit books and toys...That last item was totally useless considering that he really wants to play with everything that is NOT a toy!
We bought the portable DVD player the night before the trip and the hubby was so excited that this will be the jack pot....well I guess it was the jackpot for Mr. man and not for Mr. son!
The little toddler decided he liked to play with the DVD player and push all the bottoms CONSTANTLY and that watching those boring stuff is just simply BORING!
My hubby had his laptop in his computer bag and a carry on because he had a connecting flight for “back to work”….
So as you can see there was absolutely NO ROOM for my poor little laptop…
I did not think much of it first. My parents have several computers and laptops, some are from pre dinosaurs era (considering that they NEVER throw anything away- OH GOD FORBID!) and couple of computers top of the line…I think the only thing more than computer in their home is books!
I thought, “Well, no need really for my computer”….
My poor mom and dad tired so hard to make me very comfortable. They offered their laptops and desk tops, whether for me to take it anywhere in the house or be in their office and use it for as long as I want to...
The first couple of days I checked my emails, facebook, blogs…and then I start avoiding computers all together. Every other day I checked my emails and no entry in my blog or rarely checked my facebook!
WOW I realized I am just too used to my own lap top…is it possible? Really is it normal or is it one of recent additions to my never endings illogical habits?
So I decided to take a sabbatical from cyberspace…well it wasn’t so bad. It was actually nice to be able to do that. It made me realize how addicted I become to internet and what a sense of freedom it is to be able to take some time off…. In last couple of days I felt I had enough of this sabbatical and “come on big girl, don’t be just totally crazy!”…and here I am...
So dear blog, sorry for deserting you….I just miss my own “pillow”!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
I thanked him today…
I am sure you heard the famous question: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Ever asked your kids what they want to be when they grow up?
I hated that question when I was a child. Thank God my parents were sensible enough to never ask me that.
But I still remember when a teacher in 2nd grade asked me that question for the first time in my life. I remember I answered: I don’t know….and then she said: You must know what you wish to be….and I thought hard for probably good 10 seconds and then said: How can I know? Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? And that was when the whole class burst in laughter.
Interestingly despite my extremely sensitive nature, I did not feel embarrassed….just surprised at my teacher's reaction. Because she did not laugh. She just looked at me and said: don’t you know I am already grown up?…….Truly in my eyes that silly question could have come only from a silly kid!
How can anyone know what they want to be tomorrow morning… let alone years down the road? We might know what we will do and what job we will fulfill tomorrow because we have to, but we might change our desires as well even if we HAVE to do what we are doing…at least for the time being…
Don’t get me wrong I understand the lesson behind the question: to create a desire, to give wings to imagination….
But really is that what adults do when they ask that question. Seriously if the child answers: I want to be a garbage man, what are we going to do…. ???
At least from where I came from all the answers were trimmed to be a doctor or an engineer….
Today I remembered something that happened during one of my case taking few years ago. The patient was a little 5 years old girl and the mother told her to tell me what she wants to be when she grows up? The little girl told me: “I want to be a mom and a wife” ... the mother replied immediately with no hesitation: “Yes, but you can be so much more. Didn’t you tell me the other day you want to be a police woman?”
I know many people would give that answer: “Yes, but you can be so much more.”….myself included was one of those people. I used to think that a girl can be a wife, she can be a mommy, too, but she can also be a writer or an artist or a lawyer or a banker or a politician or a nurse or a doctor as well if that's what she wants…
Today though, I think “why?”
Why should be such a mind set in our society?
Is this strange standard the result of the feminist movement because of the repression of females in all societies? Maybe…but if that is the case, shouldn’t we; the women, start breaking any new rules that is being imposed on us, this time by our fears??
If a girl tells us she wants to be a writer or a lawyer, do we reply back: "yes you can be those but also you can be a mother"?
Why there is such a double standard?
Motherhood is not a job…Period, no but or and…..Motherhood is a state of being and if a woman chooses to be that, she can dedicate her entire day and night to fulfill that state of being and if she chooses or needs to, she can do other things aside that…that is her choice…or the reality of life that she has to do other things to be able to make a life for herself and her family….
All I'm thinking is being a mommy is huge. It's perhaps the biggest thing a woman ever be, and to many, many, many people -- perhaps even herself one day -- it won't be enough.
The reality is that anything that we love to do, should never be “not enough”….
I am a mother, first and last and all in between.
Anyone that knows me, know that I love, love, love homeopathy and I am very good at it. I have been told many times by many different people that I have a gift in me for homeopathy…but since my son was born, I gladly cut my hours of practice significantly and lately I am thinking seriously of closing my practice altogether…
Maybe one day I choose to walk in another path, one equally less walked in like homeopathy.
Maybe all these thoughts are because of my personality: when I am so “in love” and “passionate” about something, I put myself in it full body and soul.
I don’t know (and really I don’t care) what is the reason for these thoughts. The reality is that I “just” want to be a mom…that is all I want, that is all I wish for, being “just” “mom” is more than fulfilling for this life time and possibly many more to come!
Today is mother’s day. Not that really anyone can forget it thanks to all the commercials and sales pitch…
It is my second mother’s day – third actually counting the one that my baby was in me (the best one of all)…
I can not say I do not love the day. I love it but truly not because of the celebration or the gift. Let’s face it, regardless of what day of the year it is, the duties do not get less for the duration of 24 hours. So it is not really a holiday. At least not when you have a baby or a toddler….
I like the day because it makes me celebrate what I love the most to be in this world: “A mother”.
When a baby is born, so does a mother. That can be a cherished blessing or not a cherished one. Either way I believe it is a blessing, both for the baby and the mother.
This morning when I woke up with my favorite alarm clock, my son’s voice calling “Mamma”, I went to him and went through all the routine of hug and kisses, word games and name calling – he likes to repeat his encyclopedia of knowledge first thing in the morning, as if reminding me or himself or both, how much he knows already.
And let’s face it for a toddler there is nothing worse than braking his routine. So after all the routine… I sat him on my lap and thanked him. I thanked him for becoming my boy and made me a mother.
I really do think today when a child celebrates his/her mother, a mother should also celebrate the reason that she is a mother…and that of course is the child. Because let’s face it we are who we are because of them…..
So thank you my boy. I deeply thank your dear sweet soul for choosing me to be your mother. I love the role more than life itself…it makes my small life bigger than all the galaxies.
I love you and all you bring me….yesterday, today and forever.
Ever asked your kids what they want to be when they grow up?
I hated that question when I was a child. Thank God my parents were sensible enough to never ask me that.
But I still remember when a teacher in 2nd grade asked me that question for the first time in my life. I remember I answered: I don’t know….and then she said: You must know what you wish to be….and I thought hard for probably good 10 seconds and then said: How can I know? Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? And that was when the whole class burst in laughter.
Interestingly despite my extremely sensitive nature, I did not feel embarrassed….just surprised at my teacher's reaction. Because she did not laugh. She just looked at me and said: don’t you know I am already grown up?…….Truly in my eyes that silly question could have come only from a silly kid!
How can anyone know what they want to be tomorrow morning… let alone years down the road? We might know what we will do and what job we will fulfill tomorrow because we have to, but we might change our desires as well even if we HAVE to do what we are doing…at least for the time being…
Don’t get me wrong I understand the lesson behind the question: to create a desire, to give wings to imagination….
But really is that what adults do when they ask that question. Seriously if the child answers: I want to be a garbage man, what are we going to do…. ???
At least from where I came from all the answers were trimmed to be a doctor or an engineer….
Today I remembered something that happened during one of my case taking few years ago. The patient was a little 5 years old girl and the mother told her to tell me what she wants to be when she grows up? The little girl told me: “I want to be a mom and a wife” ... the mother replied immediately with no hesitation: “Yes, but you can be so much more. Didn’t you tell me the other day you want to be a police woman?”
I know many people would give that answer: “Yes, but you can be so much more.”….myself included was one of those people. I used to think that a girl can be a wife, she can be a mommy, too, but she can also be a writer or an artist or a lawyer or a banker or a politician or a nurse or a doctor as well if that's what she wants…
Today though, I think “why?”
Why should be such a mind set in our society?
Is this strange standard the result of the feminist movement because of the repression of females in all societies? Maybe…but if that is the case, shouldn’t we; the women, start breaking any new rules that is being imposed on us, this time by our fears??
If a girl tells us she wants to be a writer or a lawyer, do we reply back: "yes you can be those but also you can be a mother"?
Why there is such a double standard?
Motherhood is not a job…Period, no but or and…..Motherhood is a state of being and if a woman chooses to be that, she can dedicate her entire day and night to fulfill that state of being and if she chooses or needs to, she can do other things aside that…that is her choice…or the reality of life that she has to do other things to be able to make a life for herself and her family….
All I'm thinking is being a mommy is huge. It's perhaps the biggest thing a woman ever be, and to many, many, many people -- perhaps even herself one day -- it won't be enough.
The reality is that anything that we love to do, should never be “not enough”….
I am a mother, first and last and all in between.
Anyone that knows me, know that I love, love, love homeopathy and I am very good at it. I have been told many times by many different people that I have a gift in me for homeopathy…but since my son was born, I gladly cut my hours of practice significantly and lately I am thinking seriously of closing my practice altogether…
Maybe one day I choose to walk in another path, one equally less walked in like homeopathy.
Maybe all these thoughts are because of my personality: when I am so “in love” and “passionate” about something, I put myself in it full body and soul.
I don’t know (and really I don’t care) what is the reason for these thoughts. The reality is that I “just” want to be a mom…that is all I want, that is all I wish for, being “just” “mom” is more than fulfilling for this life time and possibly many more to come!
Today is mother’s day. Not that really anyone can forget it thanks to all the commercials and sales pitch…
It is my second mother’s day – third actually counting the one that my baby was in me (the best one of all)…
I can not say I do not love the day. I love it but truly not because of the celebration or the gift. Let’s face it, regardless of what day of the year it is, the duties do not get less for the duration of 24 hours. So it is not really a holiday. At least not when you have a baby or a toddler….
I like the day because it makes me celebrate what I love the most to be in this world: “A mother”.
When a baby is born, so does a mother. That can be a cherished blessing or not a cherished one. Either way I believe it is a blessing, both for the baby and the mother.
This morning when I woke up with my favorite alarm clock, my son’s voice calling “Mamma”, I went to him and went through all the routine of hug and kisses, word games and name calling – he likes to repeat his encyclopedia of knowledge first thing in the morning, as if reminding me or himself or both, how much he knows already.
And let’s face it for a toddler there is nothing worse than braking his routine. So after all the routine… I sat him on my lap and thanked him. I thanked him for becoming my boy and made me a mother.
I really do think today when a child celebrates his/her mother, a mother should also celebrate the reason that she is a mother…and that of course is the child. Because let’s face it we are who we are because of them…..
So thank you my boy. I deeply thank your dear sweet soul for choosing me to be your mother. I love the role more than life itself…it makes my small life bigger than all the galaxies.
I love you and all you bring me….yesterday, today and forever.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
The big black monster in the middle of the dark room!
We never talk about our fears…I mean it is not that we don’t have any…let’s face it, all of us whether we want to admit it or not, have a list of fears (sometimes longer than we want to admit even to ourselves)…
Why do you think that is? I know ignorance is a bliss but come on! We really are not ignoring anything! Who are we kidding here?!
We are just pretending the act of “blissful ignorance” and in the back of our mind we are thinking and re thinking our fears over and over again like a good old song that we play backward and forward for hours and hours.
It is a disease, an unhealthy choice, a habit, an act…whatever label you want to name it with. It is one of the deepest suppression in the psyche and the start of so many pathologies….
I can always see the start of this disease in the children when I am treating them. Children are normally very open about their fears (or at least in a healthy circumstances they should be): about that black monster that is hiding under their bed - the same one that has to be vanished every night before going to bed, about the dark room that is full of monsters, about the spiders and snakes, about this and that and the other!
When a child refuses to talk about his fears and nightmares, as a homeopath I know I am witnessing the birth of a “dis-ease”.
What happens as a result is the sensation of extreme heaviness in our soul which never goes away and every time that anything remotely brings that fear to our mind, we want to go and hide under our heavy blanket and just call for mommy or daddy and scream that the black monster is back… come and vanish it….hurry please!!!
And then we realize there is no mommy and daddy to vanish this one…unfortunately we grew up and this dreadful duty is now on our to do list…but we are paralyzed with fear and do not have any shield against it…Ahhhh except that super power of course: IGNORING!
The heaviness is unbearable, it is killing us, eating us cell by cell from inside…and we are still ignoring!
I guess old habits die hard...especially when they started early at childhood, at those innocent ages that you were suppose to cry out loud and knew that in a second the hero will come….at those innocent ages that you were not suppose to know the meaning of “you are on your own”…
Ignorance is a bliss…if only we could really ignore….If only….
Why do you think that is? I know ignorance is a bliss but come on! We really are not ignoring anything! Who are we kidding here?!
We are just pretending the act of “blissful ignorance” and in the back of our mind we are thinking and re thinking our fears over and over again like a good old song that we play backward and forward for hours and hours.
It is a disease, an unhealthy choice, a habit, an act…whatever label you want to name it with. It is one of the deepest suppression in the psyche and the start of so many pathologies….
I can always see the start of this disease in the children when I am treating them. Children are normally very open about their fears (or at least in a healthy circumstances they should be): about that black monster that is hiding under their bed - the same one that has to be vanished every night before going to bed, about the dark room that is full of monsters, about the spiders and snakes, about this and that and the other!
When a child refuses to talk about his fears and nightmares, as a homeopath I know I am witnessing the birth of a “dis-ease”.
What happens as a result is the sensation of extreme heaviness in our soul which never goes away and every time that anything remotely brings that fear to our mind, we want to go and hide under our heavy blanket and just call for mommy or daddy and scream that the black monster is back… come and vanish it….hurry please!!!
And then we realize there is no mommy and daddy to vanish this one…unfortunately we grew up and this dreadful duty is now on our to do list…but we are paralyzed with fear and do not have any shield against it…Ahhhh except that super power of course: IGNORING!
The heaviness is unbearable, it is killing us, eating us cell by cell from inside…and we are still ignoring!
I guess old habits die hard...especially when they started early at childhood, at those innocent ages that you were suppose to cry out loud and knew that in a second the hero will come….at those innocent ages that you were not suppose to know the meaning of “you are on your own”…
Ignorance is a bliss…if only we could really ignore….If only….
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