Was ich nicht weiss, macht mich nicht heis!

Oh how much I love this German proverb...

The English equivalent for it is "Ignorance is bliss"!

But I think it does not do the justice to the German version....The word for word translation of the title is: "what I do not know, won't burn me"!

I have the curse -or maybe it is not a curse but a gift with a danger attach to it:) :)-...the one that makes me itch to "know" everything possible about the subject that is in my life at any given moment. I am one of those people that can become a walking encyclopedia about a subject, when that subject somehow sneaks into my life...You can easily see that from the pattern of the books that I start to read at any given time.

While this was such an amazing blessing when I was teaching in the college, it is an unbelievable curse when one needs to live a simple daily routine of life...especially for a person like me with many many many neurosis and anxieties!

A friend of mine is pregnant with her third child, somewhere around 6-7 weeks. 5-6 weeks ago she had the casual talk with me and told me that she might be pregnant - they just “decided” that they want to “start” trying...and I laughed with her and said "Oh…how I’ll envy you...I miss having a newborn and more than that I miss being pregnant".

Then a week and a half after that she told me that she had tooth extraction and had an X-ray for it as well as a course of many days antibiotic and many Advil....

I hold my breath for few seconds and then told her: "Didn't you tell them you might be pregnant?" and she casually replied "I did, but they did not react"....So weeks passed by and the result was that she is indeed pregnant. She asked her doctor what does she think and the reply was "hope everything is OK!"...and that is how my friend's state is...ALL is OK! Which hopefully and very well might be....but OH my GOD?! Can you imagine if the role were revered?

I would be out of my mind. First because I knew what might not be OK and second because I would search to know even more what might not be OK!!!!!!!

Last few weeks, after we for sure found out that she is pregnant - she is not sharing the news for the first 3 months with everyone and just close people and family - (as she puts it herself: "Lucky winner after first try"), I went to a loop...the loop is on me not on her though!

Why am I like this? Why am I being cursed with this itch of needing to know...and mostly keeping in mind the most negative of all.

I could have been the type that needs to know but keeps the positive in mind (the one and only my hubby belongs to this category. Although I secretly believe he also keeps the negative in his mind but pretends that he only believes in positive...which to this "accusation" he laughs loudly and tells me: "Again you think negative of a given scenario"!!!!)....

OH NOOOOOO! God Forbid! I am the one that only and only keep the negative outcome of any given scenario on the front line of my mind....and as if keeping it there is not enough(!!!), I repeat it over and over like a good old song!

Well what can be said?
Now that I can not be optimistic, I wish I will become ignorant....as what I do not know, does not burn me and my daily routine of life!